


First Sidebar - Nathan's Gift

by NorthernStar



Series: Jesse's Journey [6]
Category: Diagnosis Murder
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernStar/pseuds/NorthernStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sidebars - not quite stories, yet more than just emotional sketches of the guys after all that has gone before.</p><p>Steve receives a legacy from Nathan</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Sidebar - Nathan's Gift

_ This is probably my favourite place ever… _ Nathan’s voice sounded clear, as if he were standing right there.

_ It’s dusty, and it smells bad. _ Steve had replied, and he’d covered his nose to emphasise his point.But secretly he had relished the sparkle in Nathan’s eyes that day.

Nathan had looked up from his inspection of the rows of old books and took a deep breath, savouring that musty scent as if were orange blossom. _But it’s history. It’s people_… he’d said, and sighed when he saw Steve’s incomprehension. _I can’t explain …but…I feel I belong here._

Steve shivered as his lover’s voice faded away.He looked down at the reason he’d come here, to the old library, again.The envelope lay in front of him on the table, with one word written on it in Nathan’s blocky hand.

_ ‘Steve.’ _

Steve had received it almost a week ago, at the reading of Nathan’s will.When he had gone to collect his legacy, he had assumed it was the Harley Davidson that Nathan had treasured for years, or perhaps some of the small amount of money the young man had saved.He had intended on giving the latter to Community General, but in the end all he had been handed was this envelope.

Steve had taken the letter home and put it by his bed, where it had lain unopened for the last week.It wasn’t that he was afraid to open it.Or afraid of what it might contain.Just that there was never a right time, a right place, a right reason…

And this morning he had woken and known, it was today.And here, in the middle of the dark and dusty book strewn library that Nathan had loved so much.

Steve had found a corner, away from any on-lookers and sat down.

And here he still was, over an hour later, just staring at the letter, turning it over and over in his hands.

Steve took a deep breath, then slid his thumb under the loose corner and ripped.He took out a small folded paper, which he straightened out and began to read.

_ ‘Hey Steve, what’s up? _

_ Oh yeah I’m dead.Fuck, that’s harsh!’ _

Steve chuckled, hearing his lover’s annoyance as plainly as if the young man were sitting at his side.

_ ‘Still, I bet there’s a lovely view from up here.Guess you’re wondering why I wrote you this.Well, Steve love, this is letter #3 (no I’m not kidding) Won’t be getting #2 and #1 though, because I update regularly.Keeping up with the times and everything.And I was way too gushy in #2! _

_ I’ve written these to just about everyone I ever cared for.I think I told you about mom and dad dying and being raised by my gran.Well dying like they did, it was so sudden.I never got the chance to say goodbye or ask some questions or tell him how much I cared.And because they were hopping along in life, never knowing what was around the corner, they kinda left everything hanging.(Gran had to fight even to keep me) _

_ Anyway I swore I’d never be the same so every six months or so I re-do these little goodbyes so I don’t leave anyone hanging. _

_ And yeah, that’s what this is.Goodbye. _

__

_ Steve, I love you. _

_ I know I didn’t get the chance to say that, but its true.You are such a good person; you are who I always wanted to be. _

_ Don’t grieve too long, Steve.Life’s too short, too fragile so don’t waste it on some dead guy. (Even if that dead guy is me!)Find some beautiful kind man who deserves you and share what you are with him.You shared yourself with me, Steve, and it was the best and most precious gift I ever had. _

_ Be happy.Go out and find that young man you told me about and make him love you.It won’t be difficult, love, if he has eyes to see with and a heart to be moved.And the good sense to know just how lucky he is. _

__

_ And last of all, live, because I’m part of your memory and I can’t really die because of it. _

_ I love you and I thank you for letting me share your life. _

_ Yours, forever, _

_ Nat xxx _

_ PS.You can have my lottery numbers.They didn’t come up during my life, but I have pull with the Big Boss now.We’re drinking buddies.’ _

__

Steve laughed, though tears fell freely down his cheeks.He could almost see Nathan as if he were standing in font of him.

“Goodbye, Nat.”He murmured softly, “thank you.”

******

It was a long time before he could bring himself to leave the library.But eventually he forced himself to stand, and then to walk.And to keep on walking.He looked back only once, and saw his imagined Nathan, still sitting at the table, head buried in a book.

When he stepped out into the sunshine, he did so alone.

Nathan’s spirit resided in his favourite place and Steve’s was free.


End file.
